The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Who died my cat blue again?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
