puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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