just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
