I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
