We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended