I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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