im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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