I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
