Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
