i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I am available for nakedness
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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