we're blogging at a bar
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
is that a dick in a sweater?
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
