She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
