They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
