I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
