its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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