My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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