He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
