Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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