OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
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