Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
