He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize