What should our trivia night team be named?
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...