There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
27 People Confess Their Proudest Fap
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
29 Unspoken Rules Of “Bro Code”
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.