Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."