My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
