I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
