I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
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Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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