I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
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