shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
