getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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