I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
she looked like the before picture.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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