My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
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