remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
