We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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