I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
