oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Randomize
