I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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