i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
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