Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
