so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
