I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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