sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i need some magic done to my vagina
These tits shall not be calmed
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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