Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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