dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
