If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
