ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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