i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
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