I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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