everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
