This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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