were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
