I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
