...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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