Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
