So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
