My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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