I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
