you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I look better un-naked...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize