just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
